i’m not sad

im not sad
i just spend a little too long
gazing into dark clouds.
im not sad
i just watch a candle flicker
because it feels good
to watch the light.
i bet it feels warm.

im not sad
i just keep my head under water
a bit too long.
i like the sound
of my heart beating
faster, harder.
isn’t that a good sign?
a sign im not sad?

i had a dream last night
a stranger beckoned me,
called me toward the strangeness.
i went with them
and when i woke
i felt like i had
abandoned my soul mate